This Was A Serious Rant A Few Seconds Ago... Story of Waking

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 8:41 am

Okay, so it's ten in the morning, and as I didn't get to sleep until three am, I have no intention of allowing anything to wake me up before eleven. And shock of all shocks, the phone rings. I groan and ignore it for a while, but I realize I can't sleep with a phone ringing (It's just something I can't do) so I go to answer it, knowing that if this is not our landlord or my brother or mother or something, there is no god damn way I am being nice.

Lo and behold, its one of those stupid people who make money to call you up randomly and irritate you. I decide, 'well, I'll be rather polite to this one, just to end it quickly and go back to sleep'. Ha, did I ever pick a day to be still dreaming while I am awake.

He wants me to wake up my father, who I don't even know what time he went to sleep, only that it was after me. Now in my house we do not 1) Wake up the sleeping father if we can avoid it because he gets grumpy, 2) Give him telemarketers on

the phone because he likes to play pranks on them, and 3) let the call last long to get their hopes up. But this one, oh he is persistant. I tell him about my father being asleep, which normally kills them in their tracks, but NO, he decides he will NOT give up. He demands I awake my father.

Now at this point I've got two options. I can tell him to go to hell very politely, or I can hang up on him. I decide that I should not take my grumpyness out on him because I cannot sleep when I am mad.

'I'm sorry sir, I cannot wake my father up. But could you tell me what company you are with and what you are calling about I'll leave him a message about it'.

But NO! Our noble idiot will not be dodged by my skill. ((Must be a thief or something because he's either got Perfect Dodge of Reasonable Suggestions +1 or Evade Intelligence +1... Forgive me, in an MMORPG state of mind)). He tells me who he works with and then says the most ridiculous line ever, '...I can't tell you what I'm calling about, but wake your father up and put him on'.

Really now? Seems it's Me 0, Idiot 1. Ooooooh, I intend to even that up.

'Listen sir, my father is asleep and I have no intention of waking him up, much less putting him on the phone.'

Me 1, Idiot 1

'But please do have a nice day.'

Ha! Sarcasim. Me 2, Idiot 1

'So you're telling me you're making the choice to not put him on the phone?'

Is he deaf?

'Yes. Because he's asleep and we're not supposed to wake him up.

'So you're making the choice for him about answering the phone...'

I'm not getting where he's going with this. 'Yes, because he is asleep...'

'Then I think I shall have to alert authorities about you taking away his rights...'

Me 2, Idiot 2. We're back at a tie and the game is getting interesting.

I try very hard not to laugh at this man. I can imagine it now. 'Yes officer, I didn't wake my fahter. He's 62 with a major heart condition and insomnia... Yes officer, I totally agree. I mean, he made sure that we understood not to wake him up this morning... Why yes officer, I'm sure he'll want to talk to you about this man harassing me.'

What I say is, 'Look, I'm not supposed to wake up my father, and I'm not going to go against his wishes'

So he tries another ploy, 'Miss, this is urgent, please put your father on'

Oh, so NOW it's urgent? I hate it when they try that. Fuck you dude.

'You think I'm going to put on a tired man just because you say it is urgent when you won't tell me what this is about?'

'Look ma'am, it would break federal laws for me to discuss this with you, and I don't know about you, but I'm not about to go to jail for telling you.'

I could have just said I was fifteen and implied I was the only child. But no, he'd just made it Me 2, Him 3 and I was not happy. 'Illegal' excuse meant bill collector, those morons who buy a debt for pennies and then try to get you to pay. Of course there is NO actual active debts against my father because we have ways of dealing with those... *coughcough* so I'm amused.

'I'm sorry, if you're not going to tell me then I believe there is nothing further to discuss.' Click.

Looks like I had to settle for a tie here. Me 3, Him 3. I shuffle back to my room to sleep. But NO, he will NOT be stopped by a minor disconnection. I don't know what he was thinking. Did he actually believe that if he called back my father might answer the phone instead? That maybe someone else would? That I would suddenly have a change of heart? Hello, are we allowed to deduct points here? Yes, okay then, Me 3, Him 2.

'Hello?'

'Put Mister ________ on.'

God I just wanna shout 'go get a real job' or 'go get laid' or something like that. Maybe ask him if he wasted a college education on this.

'No sir, my father is asleep as you know and I am not supposed to wake him up.'

A new approach is tried. 'Then put your mother on.'

Ah, my trump card.

'I'm sorry, my parents have been seperated for a long time now.'

Me 4, Him 3.

'Just put your father on!'

I'm really mad at this point, but my father has been awoken by all of this and he's laying on his bed smirking at me.

'Fine.'

He thinks the score is Me 4, Him 4, but I've got a news flash to him.

I cover the mouth piece, go to my father, sum everything up in a sentence, and hand over the phone.

'Click'

*smirk*

Me 5, Him 3.

And the game is called in account of stupidity.

Needless to say I'm waiting for the 'authorities' to inform them that I gave the phone to my father and all it resulted in was a hang up. Lets see how they handle that.

Shadow · Post by **Shadow** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 9:10 am

*rolls on floor laughing* Oh my god! That's hilarious! I love to play tricks on them like that. But the most recent one is where my mom answers the phone when they call. I don't think it can be used anymore but here it is. "I'm sorry. It's pretty impossible for you to talk to him right now as he is in Iraq."

But the idiot you were talking to got what he deserved. Here, if someone we don't want to talk to continues calling, we pull out the phone cord for a while.

Shard · Post by **Shard** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 9:55 am

Wow, your tolerance for bullshit is much higher than mine! Our phones are on the Do Not Call List - which you should sign up for in just this kind of case. It's nice to be able to tell the asshole - "look, you're now going to a federal prison and facing a ten thousand dollar fine, for calling this number. You want to tell me what it's about and leave a call back number, or go to jail?"

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 9:59 am

we're on it too, but the fact that I was tired caused it to slip my mind.

JKatkina · Post by **JKatkina** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:06 am

Aaah! People are ridiculous! o___O I have never understood how people can be so.... soooo rude.

That said, I guess I'm not a paragon of politeness myself; about six lines into that conversation I would have simply said 'no' and hung up.

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:08 am

every now and then I have this attack of conscious saying 'how would you feel in their position' and try to be nice like my mom. Trust me, that ain't happeninging again any time soon.

Starburst · Post by **Starburst** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:12 am

Nice...

Telemarketers suck... and I'm usually very polite to them, but when it gets that bad they get the dial tone.

I've never actually pranked a telemarketer. But it would be so much fun to tell them "please hold" and then start playing this over the phone. Then leave it there. Then check back in a few minutes to see if they hung up. And if they haven't, then hang up the phone yourself.

My friend had a telemarketer phone him, and it was one of the ones where they gave a really long speech about whatever they were selling. So the telemarketer gave the whole speech, and then my friend said he'd get his dad on the phone. Then he put the phone down for a few seconds and picked it back up again and made the telemarketer repeat the ENTIRE speech again, and then told the telemarketer to wait while he got someone ELSE on the phone... and finally, after four or five of these speeches, he said he wasn't interested in the offer and hung up.

Mean, but oh so funny. XD

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:16 am

my dad once listened to them and then turned around and tried to sell the product right back at the man...

'No, do I have a deal for YOU'

Frizzle · Post by **Frizzle** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:21 am

I used to be a part of a music group that practiced tuesday nights. Well, it turns out Tuesday nights became the most telemarketer-heavy nights for our host. Our host? Incredibly funny about such things. He never just told them it was music practice. Once, he made them listen to what we were practicing, and ask if they had any advice. But I think my favorite of all time was "No, I'm sorry sir, I can't really talk right now. -pause- No, I really can't, you see, I'm trying to disarm a bomb.. Wait now which wire.. *click*" We had the metronome going in the background, see.

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:24 am

PRICELESS!

Shiolar · Post by **Shiolar** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:40 am

On the topic of telemarketers, we had one the other day. Phone rang, so my partner answered it. And got put into a queue. They called us just to put us in a queue for when one of their actual human beings became available to try and sell us something.

Can you say "Click. Dial tooooooooooooooooooone."

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:41 am

Click. Dial tooooooooooooooooooone.

Hey, apparently I can say it!

PinkDragon · Post by **PinkDragon** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:14 pm

my dad made this speach to read to telemarketers. because apparently they can't get off the phone untill you are done talking. so it is like 5 typed pages of random blah that whenever we pickup the phone to a telemarketer we have to read and it takes like 20 minuets to read it all. so its just funny because they get pissed. no we don't get anymore telemarketer calls.

Shadow · Post by **Shadow** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:23 pm

We're on the Do not call list but they never really pay attention to the list now do thay? *plots for the next time she has to answer to a summer-time telemarketer* Muahahahahaha!!!

PinkDragon · Post by **PinkDragon** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:30 pm

Ya that does seem to be the trouth we are on te don't call list to. now and then we get a stupid new telemarker who hasn't been told not to cll us bu they easly learn to not call *Evil grin*

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:34 pm

*shrugs* Lookie... no one thinks I'm sweet!

Xalia · Post by **Xalia** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:38 pm

My favorite is when my credit card calls me up to try to sell me some deal...or rather, they want to give me a FREE 30-day trial that will automatically start charging my account after 30 days unless I take time out of my 71 hour-a-week work schedule to call them.

I have much fun convincing them that I really /am/ too busy and lazy to make the phone call... XD And if they're persistent I just say "You know, as busy as I am, I just don't have time to keep arguing this with you. I think I'll go relax while I still have some sanity left. Please don't call me again." *click* XD

Shadow · Post by **Shadow** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:42 pm

Amen to that! XD

Indigo · Post by **Indigo** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:08 pm

Heh, that was pretty good. ;D Thankfully I've never had to deal with telemarketers(thank you caller id), though I should probably start taking notes.

DNS · Post by **DNS** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 5:38 pm

Whee, you are now my hero!

We're on the Do not call list, but we still get the occasional telemarketer stumbling over our number. >.> We tend to ignore the phone, which is a habit we all picked up when i had a creepy ex-girlfriend who called hte house literally every 5 minutes, and we have caller ID. When my dad does pick up, though, he answers in this horror-movie-butler voice, "yeeeys?" and they're usually so surprised they hang up. it's tres amusing. ^^

Graeth · Post by **Graeth** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:52 pm

Wow, patience. I woulda giving him an ear and a half full of trumpet before the first counter point.

The Nexus

This Was A Serious Rant A Few Seconds Ago... Story of Waking

Be Sure to Read Everything First.... Did Anyone Seriously Think I Was Going To Let Him Win?

This Was A Serious Rant A Few Seconds Ago... Story of Waking