This is me...

Shiolar · Post by **Shiolar** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:00 pm

This is me realising that I'm really, really going to regret this later.

This is me wishing I could be nice and drunk before doing this.

This is me doing something stupid, and this is probably the most yell-worthy thing I've ever done.

This is me doing something I probably should have done months ago.

This is me not being a coward, for once.

This is me begging you guys to hear me out before you give me the grilling I most honestly deserve.

This is me trying to figure out exactly how I want to say this...

Um... Actually, this is really hard, because I can't find exactly the right wording that won't precipitate people yelling at me for being the terrible, terrible person that I am. I know full well that what I've done was wrong. I've mentioned often enough that I'm a coward, right? This is all something that stems from that. Because I was afraid.

You see, it all starts with that nostalgia I was talking about in the other thread, and how it makes me do stupid things. One of those stupid things is namely being a bit of a... compulsive liar?

So... when I'm having a very nervous, worrying summer after departing rather explosively from my last job and getting into a new one, I find myself attacked by some nostalgia from old days when things were a whole lot simpler than they are today. And I end up involved in dragoning; but because I was nervous and because I didn't expect to stay long, only until the nostalgia wore off, I wasn't entirely truthful about certain things.

Like the fact that I used to run an agency a few years ago, under a different name. A name which, in itself, wasn't entirely truthful either, which just adds to the fact that I'm scared stiff you're all going to hate me now.

I still have all the old files... maybe a hundred or so characters with their dragons. And some records that you all thought to be lost. Mostly lost, anyway... I passed them on to Shard about a month ago. I almost posted all this back then, but decided against it, because of the aforementioned cowardice. I'm saying it now because... apparently I do have a conscience.

DNS sorta precipitated this, in a way. We have roleplayed together, but on a Neopets account I actually use... I felt bad about lying about that, stacking another lie on top of it all. Remember a character named Fletcher, DNS?

Or Ketrenal?

I'm sorry.

I'm so very, very sorry.

To everyone here I've lied to since last August.

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:02 pm

*is conscience* *huggles* See... If they try to bark at you I bark back. And i have wonderful poisons. *nods*

Silver Midnight · Post by **Silver Midnight** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:09 pm

Kim my dear, some of us suspected all along. Ty and I pinned your art as a dead giveaway. We just figured we'd leave you be and let you stay.

*EDIT* Let me make that...we WANTED you to say. We'd talked about confronting you before, but didn't want to drive you away. =)

DNS · Post by **DNS** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:11 pm

Fletcher and Ketrenal...
I remember the names, and to some degree the posts they go with, but not a name to go with them. .___. But I do get that I know you, so. -waves at- HI! ^^
As for the rest of it, I'm blissfully ignorant, so I will continue to stare in confusion. ;-; I'm sorry for being a catalyst though, if i accidently did something bad in prompting this.

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:11 pm

Not your fault DNS. I used it as an excuse to poke Shiolar for hours.

Shiolar · Post by **Shiolar** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:16 pm

Annnd... I suspected that you suspected? You and Ty and Shard and Mystic - I reckoned you all knew, on some level or other.

But... the name Kim isn't entirely accurate, either, if I'm gonna be totally truthful. That was a lie in the first place, back in the old Pern days, because... everybody else was a girl. And I'm a coward. I didn't want to be different to everybody else. So I lied.

Kitsuneko · Post by **Kitsuneko** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:17 pm

Umm, okay. *huggles* I don't hate you.

Silver Midnight · Post by **Silver Midnight** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:17 pm

I kind of thought a little bit maybe you were a guy because of your post... But hey, we like guys. XD

Cacopheny · Post by **Cacopheny** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:19 pm

Oh, good XD I was trying so hard to reconcile my image of you as a man with the "revelation" that you were this female person-- and it wasn't working. I'm glad I'm not going crazy, and that I'm not going to have to try to force my brain into calling you female XD

I didn't know you before. You left before my time. So... hi ^^

DNS · Post by **DNS** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:20 pm

Genders in general confuse me~
;-; I don't hate you? But you know that? I'm just confusssed~

What's your NP SN, then? the one i'd recognise you by.

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:21 pm

Told you so D-man. *huggles*

Unyko · Post by **Unyko** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:21 pm

*seconds DNS in the ignorance=bliss, and kitsuneko in the not-hating* *hug for Shio* <3

Silver Midnight · Post by **Silver Midnight** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:25 pm

Even us oldbies who were around when you left, Shiolar, don't hate you I think.

Some of us suspected. And it can't be said that I always get along with everyone, either.

I will say it...you were always one of our most talented members, I believe. You were a pretty good artist and your Raug got lots of attention. And you could always write EXCELLENTLY. It was these talents that gave you away to some of us, though we never really pushed it too far...

Suffice it to say, I'm glad to have you back. And I'm sure the others who were around before will also be.

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:27 pm

*cheers* YAY! Now he's not going to be so pissy towards me and keep quivering like a quivering thing. And Shiolar, did ya know that the name you took as a girl is my mom's name?

Starburst · Post by **Starburst** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:29 pm

The Braethas Raug... wow. I remember it really well. So many rainbows and I never got in on that one. XD

I don't hate you, nor do I think anyone else here does. *pats*

Those are my little comments, just because I was there at probably the tail end of your Cathair Fionabhainn and other agencies. ^^ I always did love your art, and the new stuff is no exception.

Shiolar · Post by **Shiolar** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:31 pm

It's not your fault, DNS. Really, it's not. Um... to de-confuzzle you... I came here last August and lied about being a new person, because I'm a natural born wuss, when really I've been doing this for years. I just had a very large gap in the middle of it all. Like... two or three years worth of gap, maybe.

But yeah, I'm definitely a guy. Name's Damien, but Merc calls me D-man. Actually, the whole gender thing has always been a problem, because unless I say what I am, people just randomly guess. Half of them get it right.. I guess I'm just one of those naturally ambiguous people.

And... thanks all for not hating me, considering how thoroughly I deserve it. It is kinda... refreshing to just be honest for once. On that matter, I lied about my age, too, but you could see that coming, right? I'll just clear that up, while I'm at it. I'm 26, which probably makes my various stories about things I've done in the past make a lot more sense.

I guess I should have been less talented to keep myself a secret, though? Or something.

But... thinking of the Raug, I have records for most of it, still. I should put those together in a coherent form or something. As soon as I've finished being a quivering wreck over this whole thing, having obviously got far more worried and upset about it than I needed to...

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:34 pm

Damnit D-man, I wish you'd dragged me in sooner!

DNS · Post by **DNS** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:34 pm

Ah, okay. >> I am now relatively deconfuzzled, thankyou. I don't really know who you are still, but i do recognise the names of those two characters and such. ^^ -hugs-
I like your name.

And i can relate to both you and Carodos's quivering, I've been like that before. ;-; -hugglesboth-

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:37 pm

I'm not quivering. Just worried that everyone would blow up at him.

Astra · Post by **Astra** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:40 pm

KIM IS SHIOLAR OMG.

Hey I'm not pissed at all, I mean how long was it before I let everyone figure out that me and Zialana were the same person

So you're the gir... guy ... who invented Danach?

Rocking.

Shiolar, why would we hate you? You're one of my favorite artists and you were back in the day too. Sooo cool that you're back! Or were back. Or something.

JKatkina · Post by **JKatkina** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:40 pm

...well, it's all greek to me, I was just arriving as you were just leaving, so I don't remember 'Kim' anyways. XD Though I'd always heard good things about you. Welcome back I guess?

:DD Does this mean I can ask you things about the Raug? *stupid excited* Like who my Kelrilturuth's parents an siblings are? You have no idea how long I've wondered! XD Actually, you probably do, but... yes.

Cool. ^^; We need more malefolk around here anyways.

Kudos for... er, 'coming out' is the only thing that comes to mind, but I assume there are no closets involved. Honesty is a wonderful thing, but seriously? XD Art theft is a bigger crime here than faking an identity.

Xenoqueen · Post by **Xenoqueen** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:41 pm

Well, you were way before my time, too, but I'm not gonna "hate" you or anything, either. Not the first time a friend has gone "actually, I'm not really who I said I am", and it didn't bother me back then, either.

No harm, no foul, right? (I think that's how it goes....)

Actually, I think it's pretty cool that the famous "Kim" is really back in the Nexus.

Happy to have you again!

Mystic Dragon · Post by **Mystic Dragon** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:41 pm

*smiles* I missed ya hun. And yeah, the art was a dead giveaway. :D I've always loved your stuff. And your stories. I still have Ketrenal bookmarked.

I'm glad you had the courage to come out to us. Welcome back Kim.

Myrror · Post by **Myrror** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:43 pm

Don't hate you either, though I was in a different part of the cyberpet universe, so I have no idea who 'Kim' is anyway.

And I thought only females lied about their age *pokepoke* *hides from everyone else*

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:44 pm

OOo! You have Ketrenal bookmarked!? Share! He's never let me see stuff from back then! OOOOO!

if the bookmark still works that is. *gives D a disapproving frown*

Silver Midnight · Post by **Silver Midnight** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:46 pm

Ketrenal is probably one of Shiolar's best stories. =D Did I ever tell anyone that way back he walked away with a lot of high-ranking dragons from RoF? X3

I also remember a character you had named Damien...bonded from Ryslen. A bronze I think. Was a key character in Ketrenal's story.

Carodos · Post by **Carodos** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:48 pm

Woah, all the nostalgia. *ducks in corner and watches* I'm so lost. Damn me and my noobness. Though, I guess this kinda explains that time just after I met him when he was acting... off would be the best way to put it.

Shiolar · Post by **Shiolar** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:53 pm

Does the name Ginealar Weyr mean anything to you DNS? I used to run that one. Had the roleplays running by email over the exact same server that now runs my webspace (the computer formerly known as Jedi, currently dubbed Yoda)

There almost was a closet involved, namely because Merc has been bugging me about this most of today, and running away to hide in the cupboard under the stairs did appeal for quite a while.

I can tell you straight off that Kelrilturuth's "mother" was Ainchis(th). The father was either Ambroseth or Ambroseth's brother, who I can't recall the name of right now. I'll get the Raug records together and put up a page with parents and siblings on...

Ketrenal's bookmark probably doesn't work, seeing as that page, along with all my others, was hosted on my own server. I'm thinking I might put 'em all up again, though. I'm still debating that.

Generally, Myr, it is only females that lie about their age, unless you're a cowardly guy like me who doesn't want to feel really old while hanging around people who're younger. I lack Shard's courage when it comes to admitting age.

Never had a char named Damien, Sil... Ketrenal's best friend and second-in-command, with the bronze from Ryslen, was named Rakield (which, DNS, is the name you'd prolly know me as on Neopets?). But yeah, Ketrenal's story was probably the best thing I've ever written... I worked so hard on that, and Kajashaji remains one of my favourite dragons.

Actually, I was pondering a few weeks ago how much fun I could have letting Ketrenal and Kathamus meet......

DNS · Post by **DNS** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:58 pm

RAKIELD. I do know that name. I've talked to you a few times and roleplayed with you as wellllll~~~ Though it's been bloody ages. ;-; -hugglecling- HI.
All of it is clear~ And i don't remember that weyr, but yes. I've seen the pages everyone was talking about, which must be where i remember those names from.
.________.
-gnawsupon in happy shock- someone i actually RECOGNISE. yay~

Silver Midnight · Post by **Silver Midnight** » Sun May 21, 2006 1:58 pm

Ahhh well...I think you had something with Damien. 0.o Might've been on Neopets. Oh well. XD