I just want to question something I need help with...
My boyfriend has issues with my like of Slash/Yaoi... he also has horrid issues with swearing.
I usely have to hide stuff I like away in journals, pages because he can't handle my enjoyment of this type of stuff. We get along great other then this one issue...
I'm sick of having to have a journal away from him just so when I'm ticked I can swear as much as I like. Let alone post something nice about some fic I really liked it.
How do I brouch these issues with him, it's not my fault I have a serious adversion to male/female pairing. They're I guess to cliche for me to read about that type of romance. Or they make female characters to weak, annoying, slutish, etc for me to like.
And the swearing just gives me a bug up my but because when I'm upset I swear I keeps me from reactting violently to people. He gets this but doesn't he's really freaking strightlaced cristian but not and I just want him to not get mad at me when I swear and make me feel guilty if I do. I tone it down from him so much. They're words, and when words keep one from acttuly hitting someone shouldn't one get a break and not be ment to feel guilty about it.
Any help would be great.
Having to hide...
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DragonFlight
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The best way to talk about any iffy topic with a significant other.... I generally follow these steps when I do it.
- Wait until significant other is in a not-bad mood. This will obviously vary depending on said individual.
- Just sit down on the couch and invite them to join you. Never ever ever say "We need to talk." This seems to scare /any/ significant other.
- If your significant other is inclined to pace or flee from conversations going negatively, make sure you don't let them. That's not fair to you.
- Make sure you sit with a posture that's at least partially facing them. It lets them know you're serious, and that you want them to listen and pay attention. It also makes them part of your discussion.
- Start talking about your subject. Make sure they listen to you entirely first, before they start making comments.
- Once the topic has grounding, open up any necessary debate.
I find this sequence works well to get things started, even if things manage to derail. I've broached numerous sensitive topics like this, and I've had it used on me by my significant other as well.
Just recently, I had a discussion with my significant other regarding days when I come home in a bad mood. He was upset because he hasn't been able to get me out of such a funk, but that he noticed talking to friends on the Internet would get me out of it.
I had to explain to him that I vent to people on the Internet, because I can 'yell' and 'scream' and 'rant' without subjecting to people to this face to face, because I don't like screaming at people in person. It makes me feel horrible later on. I even went as far as to suggest that if he finds me in such a mood, that he log onto his computer and get me typing, so that I can vent without feeling the negativity of screaming and throwing things.
So, yeah... That's my take on how to deal with such things.
- Wait until significant other is in a not-bad mood. This will obviously vary depending on said individual.
- Just sit down on the couch and invite them to join you. Never ever ever say "We need to talk." This seems to scare /any/ significant other.
- If your significant other is inclined to pace or flee from conversations going negatively, make sure you don't let them. That's not fair to you.
- Make sure you sit with a posture that's at least partially facing them. It lets them know you're serious, and that you want them to listen and pay attention. It also makes them part of your discussion.
- Start talking about your subject. Make sure they listen to you entirely first, before they start making comments.
- Once the topic has grounding, open up any necessary debate.
I find this sequence works well to get things started, even if things manage to derail. I've broached numerous sensitive topics like this, and I've had it used on me by my significant other as well.
Just recently, I had a discussion with my significant other regarding days when I come home in a bad mood. He was upset because he hasn't been able to get me out of such a funk, but that he noticed talking to friends on the Internet would get me out of it.
I had to explain to him that I vent to people on the Internet, because I can 'yell' and 'scream' and 'rant' without subjecting to people to this face to face, because I don't like screaming at people in person. It makes me feel horrible later on. I even went as far as to suggest that if he finds me in such a mood, that he log onto his computer and get me typing, so that I can vent without feeling the negativity of screaming and throwing things.
So, yeah... That's my take on how to deal with such things.
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'Epic' is most concisely defined as something that, were you to do it in view of a person in real life, they'd pretty much have to sleep with you immediately to maintain order in the universe.
I sneezed. It seems to have reshaped reality. My bad.
'Epic' is most concisely defined as something that, were you to do it in view of a person in real life, they'd pretty much have to sleep with you immediately to maintain order in the universe.
I sneezed. It seems to have reshaped reality. My bad.
DF's got some really good points, there.
If your boyfriend loves you for you, he will at least try to work through these feelings of aversion.
My butt-bug about religion (of any kind) is that it can blind people to their closest friends and lovers when it gets too 'straight-laced'. Falling back on what should be 'right' as opposed to what makes your significant other (and you) happy is just going to make things really strained in the long run... but if he's that way, maybe you should talk to him about it, too? Maybe he doesn't see things that way and thinks that he can change you because he doesn't know the facts?
If your boyfriend loves you for you, he will at least try to work through these feelings of aversion.
My butt-bug about religion (of any kind) is that it can blind people to their closest friends and lovers when it gets too 'straight-laced'. Falling back on what should be 'right' as opposed to what makes your significant other (and you) happy is just going to make things really strained in the long run... but if he's that way, maybe you should talk to him about it, too? Maybe he doesn't see things that way and thinks that he can change you because he doesn't know the facts?
The whole swearing thing.... just reminds me of my mother, which is odd. :/ I too tone it down so much for her, I never swear in front of her *until she crosses a line* and I just can't take it any more. At least your bf doesn't have alzheimer's and won't learn from discussing things wiht him about it.
Some guys have a severe homophobia - even about art or suggestive things. You might want to address the fact that yaoi is extremely popular with many young teen girls for some very important reasons: what girl doesn't dream of a relationship with a guy who's polite, won't insult her, not grabby, dresses well and is good looking all at once? To most guys it's painful to note that they will think nothing of a girl on girl scene somewhere (most guys, of course might not include your bf if he's so straight-laced, because the mere idea of it might shake whatever faith he's got.. or something...) but they get all nervous and grossed out thinking about guys. It's an *equality* thing, to some of us, me anyway, and it's not a crime to write it down.
He doesn't have to read it.
Some guys have a severe homophobia - even about art or suggestive things. You might want to address the fact that yaoi is extremely popular with many young teen girls for some very important reasons: what girl doesn't dream of a relationship with a guy who's polite, won't insult her, not grabby, dresses well and is good looking all at once? To most guys it's painful to note that they will think nothing of a girl on girl scene somewhere (most guys, of course might not include your bf if he's so straight-laced, because the mere idea of it might shake whatever faith he's got.. or something...) but they get all nervous and grossed out thinking about guys. It's an *equality* thing, to some of us, me anyway, and it's not a crime to write it down.
He doesn't have to read it. Author of Repurposed
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