What do you say to a man you haven't seen since childhood?

[StarFyre]

I don't know whether I've ever mentioned this on here, but I have a brother who's ten years older than me. When I was maybe 13 or so, he moved away, and when I was 15 or 16 he moved again -- without telling anyone, and without leaving a forwarding address. So we completely lost contact with him.

Last night, my mom did a facebook search for him as she occasionally does, and apparently found him this time. (There are a lot of Ian Richards-es on FB. Bloody common last name.) Seeing as he responded to her and asked what was going on... I guess it might be him. She showed me the page - I'm having that strange "I don't recognize you, but maybe.." reaction to the picture. Then again, given that the last time I saw him was almost a decade ago, and I never remember him actually laughing/smiling with sincerity/enjoyment, and he's doing that in the picture...

I don't know which option I'd like better - that this is someone that at a glance happens to fit some of the info we have, and is pretending, but isn't actually... or that this is actually my brother.

... Either way, I have so few memories of my brother, he might as well be a stranger. And if that is my brother, then judging by the pic, he's changed, not just a little, but a lot. How do you deal with something like that? I'm at a loss, and my mother is (to some extent) as well. I think we've both always assumed that either we'd never find him again, or if we did find him, he'd continue ignoring us.

.. c.c;; Geezus this is a weird place I find myself in today...

[Shard]

I'd consider him lost to the family regardless. The person on facebook might or might not actually be him, if he looks different and doesn't "seem" right. He might be, but who knows.

I'm in a very similar situation with my family. My father and mother divorced when i was only about 3 months old. I have 4 elder half-siblings on that side of the family, only one of whom ever gave enough of a shit to try and find me. My mother had refused contact with them (gee, she did that with my brother's family too... surprise surprise), for many years. I finally met Bill, my next oldest half-sib, he's 18 years older than me and it's a world of difference.

We have nothing in common. Just... well, stomach ailments and genetically inherited allergies, lol, but actually in common? Nada. So I pretty much treat it as a friend of the family that's distant and irrelevant to my life. They had no part in bringing me up, they don't live their lives like I do, and there's a HUGE generation gap. (and apparently, no one in that side of the family understands how to use birth control... oi)

When I lost my sbcglobal email, i didn't forward my new one to them. It's really not that important to me. They lived without me for like 29 or 30 years, they can live without me for the rest. *shrug*

Find out more about this guy, though - if he seems legit, it's probably worth it to know who he is more, in order to decide whether to get attached or let go.

[StarFyre]

He's the right age, and he's listed as having gone to the right highschool. And considering that there are no other Richards in the area, and no other Ians went to high school there, it's likely he is the right person. It just feels weird, but we'll see...

[Keilin Alyr]

I'd approach this very cautiously if I were in your position. You did mention quite a few other individuals had the same name as your brother, and I wouldn't attempt in-person contact or anything similar until mistaken identity and the like can be ruled out. I'd just hate to hear everyone's hopes were raised and then dashed.

Does your mother have memory of a personal event she and your brother shared, maybe a childhood birthday or something similar, from which she can pose questions? Or does he have childhood photos he could upload? If he can prove at least that little bit, perhaps then you could all discuss how to proceed with his involvement with you and your mother, if there's to be any at all.

Also, don't forget to have a heart to heart with your mother too. I'm sure she's just as confused and lost, and maybe you two could discuss ideas on what to do and how to handle potential problems. Having some common ground with someone else should make this a little less overwhelming, at least I hope.

[Dray]

Ouch, that sounds rough. Do take care. I hope this works out for the best!

[StarFyre]

Well, mother got a reply back to him and sent it on to me -- I'm pretty sure this is legit. Not only does his comments about what he's been doing these past couple years make sense (sales departments, move into HR, with work in a gaming store's convention arm on the side -- he always did love gaming), but he also mentions the fact that my father worked for Carus as an offhand comment comparing dad's current work with the work that he did when Ian was little. ("Sounds like he's back in the same position he was in when first working for Carus." to be exact)

He really seems to have gotten his life back on track, which is cool. We'll see where this goes.

[Shard]

Well that's good. Maybe he needed time to settle and 'find himself', right?

[StarFyre]

City life seems to have been good to him. He never did like living in the country (and, I suppose, if he's focused in sales/HR, I can see why...), so maybe he just needed to go city-boy on us.