Serious Question I have for you all. I've been battling with this for awhile I had a bunch of people turn on me. But some people I really love and say they love me I know are still friend with them.
Is it reasonable to be annoyed and mad at people who are your friend for still being friends with someone they know seriously hurt you?
And know this person they are still friends with let you be hurt when they could have help prevent it? Or if this person asked you pointed out something could have prevented abuse from continuing? (When I'm talking abuse I'm talk serious stuff like sexual, or domestic, or child!)
(Edited for clarity on the situation.)
Serious Real Life Question (Edited)
Moderators: Mystic Dragon, Xalia, Shard
Serious Real Life Question (Edited)
Last edited by Midori on Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
In my honest opinion, yes, I think it's unreasonable for you to be mad at friends for continuing to be friends with people you're unhappy with.
Think of it this way; what happened between you and them is your own buisness. A friend can be supportive of you when you're hurt and angry at someone, but most won't take sides against one friend or the other in a situation they're not personally involved in, and it's totally unfair to ask them to cut off contact with a person who's never done anything bad to them personally. If your friend WANTS to cut off contact with this person on your behalf, that's one thing. But if they don't, you will end up burning more bridges with other friends by trying to force it.
Sorry if this isn't easy to hear.
I've had many breakups in my life, and many arguments with friends that turned ugly, and although I always WANT my friends to support me by cutting off the person that hurt me, I know that's not a fair thing to ask of them.
Think of it this way; what happened between you and them is your own buisness. A friend can be supportive of you when you're hurt and angry at someone, but most won't take sides against one friend or the other in a situation they're not personally involved in, and it's totally unfair to ask them to cut off contact with a person who's never done anything bad to them personally. If your friend WANTS to cut off contact with this person on your behalf, that's one thing. But if they don't, you will end up burning more bridges with other friends by trying to force it.
Sorry if this isn't easy to hear.
I've had many breakups in my life, and many arguments with friends that turned ugly, and although I always WANT my friends to support me by cutting off the person that hurt me, I know that's not a fair thing to ask of them.
Just for clarity let me label the friend who's still friends with the abuser as person X, and the abuser as person A.
If it's something serious like sexual abuse, or violence, or harassment, and person X knew that person A was doing these things to you, but didn't help to prevent them, then yes you have every right to be upset. I would cut off contact with person X if that was the case. That's not cool, that's causing someone to be under harm and then pretending to be their friend after the fact.
Obviously the abuser, person A, needs to be reported if they're doing such serious things. It's wrong and it shouldn't be allowed to continue... but people like person A is going to keep on doing these things if somebody doesn't report them, most likely. :\ It's been found that people who abuse others are going to keep on doing it if they're not caught, which makes person X all the more of a shatbag for not saying anything.
So yes, you have every right to be upset if you have had abuse and a friend has allowed this to keep on happening... but if this is something serious, then you should be seeing about phoning the Kid's Help Line if you have one in your state or province... or if not that, then googling for places and organizations that can help. If your "friend" isn't going to stick up for you, I guess it comes down to being able to start the process yourself. :c
I hope that the problem isn't that severe... if it is, we're here to support you, but please please please look out for yourself. We may not be able to do a lot for you from across the tubes.
eta: if the problem is that somebody was being kind of a jerk and said something mean, then I'd tend to take Erinnyes' standpoint. The above is more for if person A was causing violence, like hitting or touching in inappropriate ways that you don't want, or causing some serious mental strife (like uttering threats, bullying, implying sexual abuse, etc.)... obviously we don't know the entire story, so it's up to you to decide what steps you should take. If it's still happening, now's a good time to take some action though!
If it's something serious like sexual abuse, or violence, or harassment, and person X knew that person A was doing these things to you, but didn't help to prevent them, then yes you have every right to be upset. I would cut off contact with person X if that was the case. That's not cool, that's causing someone to be under harm and then pretending to be their friend after the fact.
Obviously the abuser, person A, needs to be reported if they're doing such serious things. It's wrong and it shouldn't be allowed to continue... but people like person A is going to keep on doing these things if somebody doesn't report them, most likely. :\ It's been found that people who abuse others are going to keep on doing it if they're not caught, which makes person X all the more of a shatbag for not saying anything.
So yes, you have every right to be upset if you have had abuse and a friend has allowed this to keep on happening... but if this is something serious, then you should be seeing about phoning the Kid's Help Line if you have one in your state or province... or if not that, then googling for places and organizations that can help. If your "friend" isn't going to stick up for you, I guess it comes down to being able to start the process yourself. :c
I hope that the problem isn't that severe... if it is, we're here to support you, but please please please look out for yourself. We may not be able to do a lot for you from across the tubes.
eta: if the problem is that somebody was being kind of a jerk and said something mean, then I'd tend to take Erinnyes' standpoint. The above is more for if person A was causing violence, like hitting or touching in inappropriate ways that you don't want, or causing some serious mental strife (like uttering threats, bullying, implying sexual abuse, etc.)... obviously we don't know the entire story, so it's up to you to decide what steps you should take. If it's still happening, now's a good time to take some action though!