The high and low of life...

Yakima · Post by **Yakima** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:20 pm

This is just a little rant and may be used to explain why I might disappear for a while (though, I'm not really around much anyway lately...heh).

So, two weeks ago, I got brave and put my number in the pocket of a guy I liked who I knew liked me. He called the next night and we talked. He was going to 'take me out' the next day but things came up. The weekend after that, he wasn't feeling good. So Halloween we tried meet up (he has a five year old kid, btw). That didn't work. Saturday, I went to his house. We watched movies and whatever which, to me, was fine. I actually didn't want to drive home but did.

Then today he comes up (while I'm busy in a rush in the back drive window), and asks if we can just be friends. I said yes because, well, I was busy and it really didn't sink in. I thought about it more and more through out the day and it started to hit me. So I texted him asking why. He said there was no connection. I told him I can't be 'just friends'. Foolish as I was, I really had fallen for him and didn't know until he said that.

So yeah...I feel worse then I did five years ago when that one looser dumped me. So if I really vanish during the next few months, this is why. I still have to face him at work tomorrow and I don't want to. Part of me hopes for a change in what's happened but I don't see that as likley. I don't have that kind of luck. Heh...

*sulks off to hide and wishes all her Bacardi stuff wasn't gone*

Astra · Post by **Astra** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:47 pm

Aw, that sucks Yakima, I'm sorry. Just remember that boys are stupid. Anyway it sounds like he has a lot going on in his life, having a kid and all, so he might just not be ready for a relationship right now. And if he really is just toying with your emotions then, well, he's a douche, and you can do better. It does suck, though, and I'm sorry you have to go through that.

Yakima · Post by **Yakima** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 5:04 pm

Truthfully, I don't think he was toying with my emotions. His last big relationship was five years ago (like me) and was with his kids mother. He told me straight out that he was nervous about having a relationship so I didn't try to do anything to seem so desperate or whatever so that he could be comfortable. In away, I wanted to start out with a 'just friends' type thing to get to know each other.

Basicly, I'm probably the one that messed up. I just know that it would be too hard for me to spend time with him as 'just friends' knowing what he told me tonight and that I care about him more then 'just friends'. He's a nice guy. Honest, to the point. I was nervous around him but at the same time so comfortable. I'm kinda regretting sending that text about not being able to be 'just friends' but it's done. We'll see what tomarrow holds.

For once, I want to fight to keep something I've lost...I usually just run the other way and cry until the war zone has pasted...

Shard · Post by **Shard** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 5:50 pm

Be friends though. I'm guessing that both of you could use a friend just to talk to or sit around with. *hugs* I know that sucks though.

Yakima · Post by **Yakima** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:30 pm

Yeah...I guess you're right about that. *hugs back* I guess I can try. Apparently that phrase of not knowing how much something means to you until you lose it really does have meaning. I hurt as bad as my first break up five years ago (which some might remember...that was a nasty one) but it's different because this guy isn't a jerk or anything. Saturday night was wonderful in a simple, pleasent way. I just can't help but feeling his decisiion was because of something i did or didn't do...*sigh* I texted him again saying I could try to be friends...we'll see. He's such a nice guy. Like Philippe but...real.

Speaking of Philippe, can I just tell people what's going to happen? 'cause I'm sick of waiting and with the rate I'm going, it's going to be years before you know what I'm planning...and it would distract me from this crap.

Shard · Post by **Shard** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:45 pm

lol You should write

I doubt that it's anything you did, honestly from what you've said. I think he might just need more time. Hell, it's been ... 12 years for me, and I have only just now started even thinking maybe I need to pursue this guy online I know. So... yeah.

Yakima · Post by **Yakima** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 7:54 pm

*nods* I was being careful not to 'overstep my boundaries', and anything we did (the cuddling and little kisses), I left up to him because I didn't want to do anything that would, well, make him uncomfortable. *shakes head* I have a feeling that's what might have made him think that because I was being a little distant. I just didn't think he would 'give up' so soon. Which is why, before you mentioned to still be friends, I was resenting telling him I didn't want to be friends because I refuse to walk away on this one. I hate to admit it but I fell for him at some point, i think. I just didn't want to scare him away by telling him. I still don't think I'm going to get a lot of sleep tonight.

On a 'lighter' note, here is what I have so far for that plot i can't keep to myself anymore. If you've read Yenna's stories, you know Tabyen's secret. I have not edited spelling or anything. This is raw and I'll add to it. It would be a good idea to find time to read Yenna's story. She has information in her story that might help. Also I've gone with my own little plot to have Yenna Impress a gold even if she hasn't yet, and at Ryslen only because Philippe Impressed there - and another reason.

http://www.wolf-mage.com/philippestory.htm

I'll announce...somewhere...when i get more written. I should be working on NaNo right now but thus far have not been able to get back into Treval stuff. Current events don't help. Writing about this does...more fun torturing elf-boy then new characters I'm not very attached to yet.