Ok... I'm kinda freaking out here... Because one of my friends keeps talking about contemplating suicide. She has already cut herself and has been depressed for a few months... and I'm running out of things to say.
She's going to get psychiatric help, but I think she is going to go through the school she goes to, which is closed for a month for winter break.
I want to look up depression hotlines or something for people that can maybe understand a bit better what she is going through and help... but I don't know.
Her parents are totally oblivious to the seriousness of the situation.
Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?
All I know is that she needs help as soon as people can give her it... but I don't have any idea how to do it.
Sorry if this is kinda off topic... but I know people here have different experiences with different things, so maybe someone can give me some advice...
Help, anyone?
Moderators: Mystic Dragon, Xalia, Shard, JKatkina
:\ I'm not sure if there are where you live, but I've noticed that there are tonnes of help-line numbers on busses mixed in with the adds... perhaps something like that could be a solution to the situation for the time being?
;.; I'm sorry, Sherra, I hope things get better for you and her. It's a bad time of year for depression, both in that there's a lot of it going on right now, and that it's Christmas, and you'd expect some happiness... *hugs tight*
;.; I'm sorry, Sherra, I hope things get better for you and her. It's a bad time of year for depression, both in that there's a lot of it going on right now, and that it's Christmas, and you'd expect some happiness... *hugs tight*
If you know some mutual friends one thing to do would be to keep her busy. Keep her watched.
And inform the parents. I don't care if she's 13 or 30 if her parents don't seem to notice THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. And needs to be addressed. I hope that help comes to her. I'm glad you're worried about her enough to ask.
And inform the parents. I don't care if she's 13 or 30 if her parents don't seem to notice THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. And needs to be addressed. I hope that help comes to her. I'm glad you're worried about her enough to ask.
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I have actually had two friends who did the whole cutting thing. So I sort of know how you feel. **pats** Like Shard said, it is probably a good idea to keep her busy, try to get her mind off of whatever is making her feel that way. Give her things to look forward to.
And definitely make sure that she does go and see someone. Talking things out is really important though it isn't a sure fix.
Other than that, I personally don't know what else you can do. That feeling of not being able to help them really stinks, but you seem like a good friend and I am sure that she appreciates that.
Good luck.
And definitely make sure that she does go and see someone. Talking things out is really important though it isn't a sure fix.
Other than that, I personally don't know what else you can do. That feeling of not being able to help them really stinks, but you seem like a good friend and I am sure that she appreciates that.
Good luck.
~åi®¥
*waves hand* I've been dealing with chronic depression literally my whole life. Suicidal? Yep. But, it's hard to give you any new advice without really knowing the nature of her problems. If her depression is "new" - like she is not the type to be depressed, or she hasn't been for very long, she may just have to tough it out for a while.
She might have a nutritional deficiency too, which can be very serious. Can make it so that *no* treatment can seem to work. She might, in that case, try taking suppliments. Daily vitamins *specifically* for women (likewise a man should be advised to take vitamins specifically for men), plus B-complex for stress (it will say on the label that it's specifically formulated for stress, and will have other minerals for absorption like potassium and magnesium, maybe some C...). Seriously, eating right *does* help you feel better upstairs.
And...of course... people like me, who are COMPLETE HEAD CASES... no, not really. But yeah, um, chronic depression IS an illness, your friend is NOT worthless, is NOT without help, or friends, or WORTH, but needs to be REMINDED of such! If it gets really bad, it's too easy to fall into a spiral that they have to fight tooth and nail to dig themselves out of. It is exhausting - mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's an illness, not one that you catch, or makes you icky, but one that debilitates you, like arthritis can. It needs treatment. Maybe medication... but that is a difficult course to run, because sometimes the wrong ones can make things worse, or make you feel wrong in the head, or sleepy... Um, just things for YOU to know. Because, as her friend, you need to understand. I mean, if it's chronic.
Sorry, I ranted. *hides* ^^;;;;;;;;;
She might have a nutritional deficiency too, which can be very serious. Can make it so that *no* treatment can seem to work. She might, in that case, try taking suppliments. Daily vitamins *specifically* for women (likewise a man should be advised to take vitamins specifically for men), plus B-complex for stress (it will say on the label that it's specifically formulated for stress, and will have other minerals for absorption like potassium and magnesium, maybe some C...). Seriously, eating right *does* help you feel better upstairs.
And...of course... people like me, who are COMPLETE HEAD CASES... no, not really. But yeah, um, chronic depression IS an illness, your friend is NOT worthless, is NOT without help, or friends, or WORTH, but needs to be REMINDED of such! If it gets really bad, it's too easy to fall into a spiral that they have to fight tooth and nail to dig themselves out of. It is exhausting - mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's an illness, not one that you catch, or makes you icky, but one that debilitates you, like arthritis can. It needs treatment. Maybe medication... but that is a difficult course to run, because sometimes the wrong ones can make things worse, or make you feel wrong in the head, or sleepy... Um, just things for YOU to know. Because, as her friend, you need to understand. I mean, if it's chronic.
Sorry, I ranted. *hides* ^^;;;;;;;;;
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One thing that you might wish to consider is that there's very different reasons behind two behaviours that seem similar from the outside. Usually, the first time you find out someone is suicidal is when they actually kill themselves, or at least attempt it, whereas someone who's depressed and cutting themselves is more of a cry for attention than an actual suicidal intent.
I'm not sure what the statistics are in the US, but in the UK, one in five teenagers will self-harm, but obviously one in five teenagers do not actually commit suicide, or even seriously think about it.
The fact that her parents know nothing about this does indicate it's more of an attention thing than an actual wish to end her life; if her parents don't pay any attention to her life, then self-harm is a 'normal' response. And it would also lead to feelings of worhtlessness and so on.
My advice would be not to force her into doing anything, but make sure she knows that you're there for her. Invite her to spend time with you; go swimming or horseriding or something, so you spend time with her as a friend. Self-harm is really a thing she has to get through by herself, and medication won't really fix anything.
The best thing you can do to help her is make her feel like she has someone she can count on, even if her parents don't care. But don't make her feel pressurised. Spend time with her, and if the opportunity and situation arise, tell her that you're there for her if she ever needs to talk. Don't draw attention to the depression, but be subtle. Be a friend rather than a therapist.
Course, there are some herbal remedies that can help, although I forget the names offhand, and there's vitimin supplements as Neishai said, but don't just hand them to her and say "Here, this'll help your depression." Suggest them to her more subtly; say you've tried them and found they boost your energy levels or concentration. Make it so that it seems like a normal thing, rather than singling her out because of the way she's been behaving...
I'm not sure what the statistics are in the US, but in the UK, one in five teenagers will self-harm, but obviously one in five teenagers do not actually commit suicide, or even seriously think about it.
The fact that her parents know nothing about this does indicate it's more of an attention thing than an actual wish to end her life; if her parents don't pay any attention to her life, then self-harm is a 'normal' response. And it would also lead to feelings of worhtlessness and so on.
My advice would be not to force her into doing anything, but make sure she knows that you're there for her. Invite her to spend time with you; go swimming or horseriding or something, so you spend time with her as a friend. Self-harm is really a thing she has to get through by herself, and medication won't really fix anything.
The best thing you can do to help her is make her feel like she has someone she can count on, even if her parents don't care. But don't make her feel pressurised. Spend time with her, and if the opportunity and situation arise, tell her that you're there for her if she ever needs to talk. Don't draw attention to the depression, but be subtle. Be a friend rather than a therapist.
Course, there are some herbal remedies that can help, although I forget the names offhand, and there's vitimin supplements as Neishai said, but don't just hand them to her and say "Here, this'll help your depression." Suggest them to her more subtly; say you've tried them and found they boost your energy levels or concentration. Make it so that it seems like a normal thing, rather than singling her out because of the way she's been behaving...
Supplemental remedy for depression is St. John's Wort and it really works! I've used it in the past (be careful though, if you're allergic to it you break out in hives!) and it really helps you to control your emotions /if you want to/! It doesn't help those that don't seriously /want/ to fix their problems, which is true of all emotion-related medications.
Hang in there, Sherra! Be good to your friend and be there for her, that's really all you can do.
Hang in there, Sherra! Be good to your friend and be there for her, that's really all you can do.
I think if you're really certain someone is suicidal, you can call your local non-emergency number, or even 911. I know whenever I call my psych and get his answering machine, it says to call 911 if I'm feeling suicidal. o.o Although really, the only good is that you're taken in for something like 24 hours and constantly supervised to make sure you don't try anything-- I think that's what's done, anyhow. Think my cop-dad told me something of the sort...
I'm with Shard here-- you should tell her parents. This is not your problem to solve, and especially not alone. You want to be there for your friend, of course, but the more people you can rally to help your friend, the better.
I'm with Shard here-- you should tell her parents. This is not your problem to solve, and especially not alone. You want to be there for your friend, of course, but the more people you can rally to help your friend, the better.
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LakotaWolf
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As has been said before, TELL HER PARENTS YOURSELF. Now. Do not delay. She will "hate" you for it now and be pissed you "went behind her back", and her parents might not believe you or not care, but do your best to convince them that she needs at LEAST a professional consultation.
You can't fix this yourself. Don't take that the wrong way - I mean it literally, you aren't a mental health specialist :{ Pills and herbal remedies might mess her up even more since no one knows what's wrong with her.
In 1999 my first boyfriend dumped me. I was having family problems at the time, had "left home" (i.e., ran away) etc. So I was deeply depressed and suicidal. I had it all planned out - I was going to drive to Arizona, some abandoned place deep in the desert, and OD myself on something (Tylenol? heh...) Basically my friends found out and dragged me back home. My parents, although pissed as hell at me (my mom doesn't believe in "mental illness"), took me to a real, professional counselor... I talked for two hours, pouring out all my issues and problems... and I felt SO much better afterwards. I went to three appointments with a psychiatrist, talked some more, and I literally haven't been depressed since. All I needed was someone to talk to, a third party that wasn't involved in my life. I'm not saying your friend will have a "miracle" cure like me, but it might help.
And if her family can't afford a psychiatrist, see if there are any charity/volunteer places in the area....
You can't fix this yourself. Don't take that the wrong way - I mean it literally, you aren't a mental health specialist :{ Pills and herbal remedies might mess her up even more since no one knows what's wrong with her.
In 1999 my first boyfriend dumped me. I was having family problems at the time, had "left home" (i.e., ran away) etc. So I was deeply depressed and suicidal. I had it all planned out - I was going to drive to Arizona, some abandoned place deep in the desert, and OD myself on something (Tylenol? heh...) Basically my friends found out and dragged me back home. My parents, although pissed as hell at me (my mom doesn't believe in "mental illness"), took me to a real, professional counselor... I talked for two hours, pouring out all my issues and problems... and I felt SO much better afterwards. I went to three appointments with a psychiatrist, talked some more, and I literally haven't been depressed since. All I needed was someone to talk to, a third party that wasn't involved in my life. I'm not saying your friend will have a "miracle" cure like me, but it might help.
And if her family can't afford a psychiatrist, see if there are any charity/volunteer places in the area....
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Professional Misanthropist
http://www.splintyr.com
Letting the days go by - Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - Water flowing underground
Into the blue again - After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime - Water flowing underground
Wow... the volume of response really touches me... And I appreciate it.
I should have made another point clear... Her parents know that she is cutting herself, they took away her pocket knife so that she would stop... but she just went and found another. She says her mother is always saying things like "You're stressing me out" and even "We should both kill ourselves, I'll drive the car into a tree!" So... I'm not even sure if they would do anything.
Maybe they don't appreciate the seriousness... I think that I'll write them a letter... maybe get some friends to sign it.... Just something saying that we're all concerned for our friend and think they should know about it.
ARGH! But they leave for a cruise on x-mas! Gah.... I really wanted to try to do something before that... but I don't know if there is time...
I should have made another point clear... Her parents know that she is cutting herself, they took away her pocket knife so that she would stop... but she just went and found another. She says her mother is always saying things like "You're stressing me out" and even "We should both kill ourselves, I'll drive the car into a tree!" So... I'm not even sure if they would do anything.
Maybe they don't appreciate the seriousness... I think that I'll write them a letter... maybe get some friends to sign it.... Just something saying that we're all concerned for our friend and think they should know about it.
ARGH! But they leave for a cruise on x-mas! Gah.... I really wanted to try to do something before that... but I don't know if there is time...
Sounds like the mom needs as much counseling as you friend does. If they aren't being serious about it they may just see it as 'normal teenage angst' and nothing to worry about. In that case sending a letter (or letters)might not be a bad idea, do try to get as many people as you can to sign it. Words have power, talk to your friend - ask about her feelings and what makes her feel like she does, let her know your concerned and care for her and that your there if she needs someone to talk to.
I'm afraid I can't offer up much new, but I'm sending good thoughts.
I'm afraid I can't offer up much new, but I'm sending good thoughts.
=-Lylan Keep-=
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Boreal Visions ~ DeviantArt
"The artist must create a spark before he can make a fire and before art is born, the artist must be ready to be consumed by the fire of his own creation." - Auguste Rodin
Just wanted to say...
Thanks again, to everyone who responded to this. I was really upset and it made me feel better and get a better grasp on the situation.
Luckily, we've gotten another parent involved now and we're thinking that things are under control. Yay for hopefully soon to be mentally healthy friends!
Thanks again, to everyone who responded to this. I was really upset and it made me feel better and get a better grasp on the situation.
Luckily, we've gotten another parent involved now and we're thinking that things are under control. Yay for hopefully soon to be mentally healthy friends!
Oh good - that's a relief. Keep us posted, though in this case, I would say 'no news is good news'. 
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