Okay, so most of you probably saw my dragon and cleric image in the last forum. This is what I was drawing it for. This is a storyboard for a commercial for the game I've told you all about. This is the final version so I won't be changing it any, but if you have comments of critiques I'd love to hear it because my class is terrible about giving actual constructive criticism instead of just "nice job, though it needs more detail."
There are four pages all linked below in order so start at the top and proceed on from there...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v302/ ... Final1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v302/ ... Final2.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v302/ ... Final3.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v302/ ... Final4.jpg
Storyboard
Moderators: Mystic Dragon, Xalia, Shard, Dray
It looks really cool!
What if any 'voiceovers' or text will go along with these images? Something to clarify that this is one person's journey to breed and train these dragons?
What if any 'voiceovers' or text will go along with these images? Something to clarify that this is one person's journey to breed and train these dragons?
Author of Repurposed
kshau-protectorate.com
kshau-protectorate.com
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LakotaWolf
- Dragon
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I agree with Shard - it's really cool! I had a lot of fun reading it.
A few constructive critiques though... it's a little disjointed, not too much since everything holds a common thread (dragons!), but just a bit confusing here and there. I don't know how the game works (never was in the last forum - only this one!) but does the Cleric sort of take care of or at least visit individual dragons during their lifetimes? Having two back-to-back panels, one with a dragon as a whelp and another with it more grown-up, both with the Cleric in them, would help tie in a sense of time. (the dragons in panels 4 and 5 look similar... are they young/old versions of the same critter?)
Also, I don't get too much of a sense of what a cleric does with the dragons. I see the cleric WITH dragons a lot, but what does she do exactly? Care for them in detail, or only in "overview"? Also, panels 9 and 10 are good evidence of this slight confusion. Maybe put the cleric interacting with these two dragons in some way that could show almost like a day-to-day routine she might do with a dragon. Bring in some comfortable familiarity that everyone can identify with - feeding, grooming, playing with, etc. (Like, how does the quest progress to panel 15? They go in search of the realm of the Gods, but was there training beforehand? bonding? etc!)
Eep, I tried to be constructive - I hope I was! I meant no offense with any of my comments - I think you've got a REALLY nice project here so far. The art is clean, the progression is pretty clear in most places, and the game looks fun.
A few constructive critiques though... it's a little disjointed, not too much since everything holds a common thread (dragons!), but just a bit confusing here and there. I don't know how the game works (never was in the last forum - only this one!) but does the Cleric sort of take care of or at least visit individual dragons during their lifetimes? Having two back-to-back panels, one with a dragon as a whelp and another with it more grown-up, both with the Cleric in them, would help tie in a sense of time. (the dragons in panels 4 and 5 look similar... are they young/old versions of the same critter?)
Also, I don't get too much of a sense of what a cleric does with the dragons. I see the cleric WITH dragons a lot, but what does she do exactly? Care for them in detail, or only in "overview"? Also, panels 9 and 10 are good evidence of this slight confusion. Maybe put the cleric interacting with these two dragons in some way that could show almost like a day-to-day routine she might do with a dragon. Bring in some comfortable familiarity that everyone can identify with - feeding, grooming, playing with, etc. (Like, how does the quest progress to panel 15? They go in search of the realm of the Gods, but was there training beforehand? bonding? etc!)
Eep, I tried to be constructive - I hope I was! I meant no offense with any of my comments - I think you've got a REALLY nice project here so far. The art is clean, the progression is pretty clear in most places, and the game looks fun.
Lakota Windfang Sheean,
Professional Misanthropist
http://www.splintyr.com
Letting the days go by - Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - Water flowing underground
Into the blue again - After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime - Water flowing underground
Professional Misanthropist
http://www.splintyr.com
Letting the days go by - Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by - Water flowing underground
Into the blue again - After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime - Water flowing underground
That's okay...my teacher never said anything about voice-overs so I didn't add them in. The game is about a cleric who is trying to breed the ultimate dragon...so she goes through many different dragons through the course of the game. She starts with the very basic version you see in the third frame, raises and trains it (that's a baby picture...I wanted it to look like the dragons are growing as well as changing so we start out with the baby dragon) then takes it to a breeder to compete for the honor of breeding the dragon. If she and the dragon pass the tests set forth by the breeder she picks a dragon for hers to breed with and chooses a baby from the clutch to raise, train and breed...
This goes on until she has the ultimate dragon and can ascend to the realm of the Gods to save her world. That's a really watered down version of the storyline but at least you've got the basics in there...if this were a real commercial there would be voice over explaining that the king is dead and the Lords are vying for control and all that stuff...and explaining why she's with so many different dragons. In the frames where the dragons are fighting she's directing her dragon (notice that her dragon doesn't have a mane in that one but the dragon he's fighting does and in later frames her dragon does have a mane...she was successful and took a baby with her) in fighting a breeder's dragon.
Does that help clarify? I wanted the commercial to be kind of a fast paced show off the game style, so I hope that worked! *L*
This goes on until she has the ultimate dragon and can ascend to the realm of the Gods to save her world. That's a really watered down version of the storyline but at least you've got the basics in there...if this were a real commercial there would be voice over explaining that the king is dead and the Lords are vying for control and all that stuff...and explaining why she's with so many different dragons. In the frames where the dragons are fighting she's directing her dragon (notice that her dragon doesn't have a mane in that one but the dragon he's fighting does and in later frames her dragon does have a mane...she was successful and took a baby with her) in fighting a breeder's dragon.
Does that help clarify? I wanted the commercial to be kind of a fast paced show off the game style, so I hope that worked! *L*
Ah - then I have a suggestion - instead of one or more of the inbetween stages, have at least one image of her choosing from among different young? Or an indication that there was a breeding going on. That's kinda the point, right? 
Author of Repurposed
kshau-protectorate.com
kshau-protectorate.com